Covert NPD: All Conflict and Criticism is Off Limits

All relationships will have their problems. However, covert narcissists cannot handle moving through conflict like an adult by having open conversations and finding a compromise. Any issue in the relationship, the covert narcissist will perceive it not as a conversation to be had, but as a direct criticism. And a narcissist cannot handle any inkling of criticism, as it is too much for their fragile ego to bear.
So, once relational conflict arises, and it will because that’s a normal part of life, the relationship gets stuck at a dead halt. Things were going along smoothly, as long as you were fluffing the narcissist’s ego. But as soon as you have a disagreement, about anything, the narcissist’s ego goes into overdrive to preserve itself.

They will argue incessantly about non-issues while ignoring the real issues. They will spin things back on you and claim that you’re the warmonger who just wants to fight. All the while the narcissist is the one who keeps the fight going because they refuse to actually listen and address the issues. Then they will give you the silent treatment. This is the classic way a narcissist works to regain control of the relationship and keep their fat ego pumped.

Covert narcissists will work hard to get you way more upset than the original issue caused. Because how dare you bring anything up?!

You are supposed to wear your rose-colored glasses and make them feel like they are perfect superbeings, every day, forever. The minute you have a disagreement, all bets are off. You become the enemy of their ego.

When the covert narcissist’s ego is jarred by something you said or did, they go to their handy narcissistic tactic book to begin punishing you and get the negative attention off themselves. The narcissist will hurl insults about old grudge-related topics they have been storing up in their resentment reservoir.

The original issue gets cast to the wayside while the narcissist creates World War 3 over every and any issue, besides the actual issue. Staying on topic means having to do something about it. The narcissist does not want to solve anything.

They want to make it to where it is miserable for you to bring anything up. Essentially, they are trying to shut you down.

The amount of stress the narcissist intentionally inflicts eventually tears the relationship apart. Personally, I have lost days of work and weeks of life crying, being angry, confused, and frustrated beyond necessity. All whilst the narcissist smugly carried on with life and didn’t miss a beat.

Narcissists literally do not care. They don’t care if they’re unfair, absent, withholding, or evil AF to you. They certainly don’t mind hurting you. In fact, they kind of enjoy it!

They play their games with a gleam in their eye. And trust me that is all life is to them- a game their ego is playing at all times to protect their deeply ashamed true inner being and keep their False Self (pathological narcissism) propped up.

Narcissists expect you to come back begging for their love, time, and attention; regardless of what they do to hurt you. That’s the point of their abuse- to put you in your place.

They use their withdrawal of attention and/or affection as a weapon that is meant to get you to submit to their BS without actually having to address the issues at hand that created the conflict.

Narcissists never see the error in their ways. Sometimes holding on is more painful than letting go. Please seek the love you desire, deserve, and need. Let go of anyone and anything that isn’t real. Life is short. True love is beautiful.


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