Invalidation: One of the Narcissist’s Most Classic Tools

By: Frankie Martinez, life coach, June 26 2023

Feeling ignored in your relationship is one of the obvious signs of narcissistic abuse. When you share your emotions, the narcissist answers with a shocking absence of empathy. He or she mocks, dismisses, or completely disregards what is important to you, concerns, and emotions. Your boundaries are likely to be crossed over, and you will be treated as if your feelings are unimportant--which they are to the narcissist.

Devaluation occurs throughout the relationship's decline phase. This lying behavior helps the narcissist's desired outcome in a number of ways.

To begin, it is important to recognize that narcissists are dangerously greedy. A considerable absence of empathy is an important characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder. They truly don't care about others, other from what 'others' can do for them. Your emotions don't 'do' anything for the narcissist. To the narc, expressing yourself is a cause of irritation. A pain in which the narc will twist, turn, and reshape someone into a state that works with what they want but does not meet your needs as a person.

Narcissists have no desire for a good equal relationship. Control and dominance are important to narcissists. They are constantly changing things in order to develop a power imbalance. The relationship is one-sided; everything revolves around them. The narc does not want to hear about your wants, needs, thoughts, or feelings. At all. You exist only to please the narcissist.

The narcissist is a lot more concerned with keeping their mask, their fake self, intact. This is why he or she is driven by an obsessive craving for narcissistic supply; "proof" of who they imagine themselves to be- better, all-powerful, and so on. That is all that is important.

Your upset feelings or anger regarding the way the narc treats you threatens their illusions of authority and pride. As a result, the narcissist wants to 'put you in your place.'

Only they matter, not you. Remember?!

The more you try to save what's left of the relationship by talking things out with the narcissist, the more feelings of affection they take away and undermine you.

They may dismiss your feelings by yelling, "I think you are too 

sensitive."

Or you can entirely deny your understanding of the situation: "That is not true. That was not the case."

They state you're insane: "You're crazy!" I can't believe you'd even consider it!"

The narc may try to deflect and flip things around on you- "You are usually so... "jealous, insecure, angry, and so on."

They absolutely dismiss you."I'm not going to deal with it." "Forget about it."

As an alternative, the narc may simply ignore you and give you silent treatment.

Their purpose is to take away your belief of self- control. Narcs fight to create reality in their own way. You have no right to question this or have your own needs. You are a part of their world.

You become much easier to control as the narcissist slowly destroys your identity and feeling of self-worth. The narcissist successfully teaches you that you are unimportant. Or, at the very least, they determine your worth as a human being. Which is when you give all of yourself to someone with no expectation of in return or acknowledgment.

This specific kind of interacting in a relationship cannot be considered fit and healthy. Acceptance is necessary for peace of mind and psychological well-being. If you and the person you love are not meeting in the middle properly handling relationship issues as a team, it may be time to move on.



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